Except not.

This is my last week. I don’t feel anything. I should…but I don’t. I mean, of course I’m going to miss a select few people, but not many have made much of a lasting impact on me. That’s what I get for having such a strict friend policy, I suppose. Last year I cried on the last day of school, but that was because the seniors were leaving me behind, but now I’m the one moving on and I can see why none of them were as devastated as me. Also, everyone keeps saying “it’s our last week of high school…OMG” but how I see it (not trying to be pessimistic in any way) is I still have at least 6 years of schooling to go before I’m completely done. So when I walk across that stage for the second time, THEN I’ll probably start feeling that “this is the end” feeling. I also think that my lack of sentiment is due to the fact that I didn’t have the textbook “high school experience.” Sure I went to a couple of football games and prom, but I have never been the one to involve myself in anything worth while. Choir was the extent of my contribution to school extracurriculars…woop woop. Also, this past year has been one that I wanted to go by like the speed of light, so I certainly wasn’t one to sit and savor the moment. I’m ready to graduate, though. I’m excited to receive that diploma. I’m excited to make my parents proud. But mostly, I’m excited to start Summer 2012 with a trip to Oklahoma City to see Fun. again. My priorities are obviously in order.

Please continue to brag about all of the chicks you pre-maritally banged last weekend.

When my mother was in high school, she was obsessed with the band Pink Floyd. She had the pink stripes in her hair and the concert t-shirts to prove it. And just to put an image in your head, she was also on the rodeo team…so do what you want with that information. On May 3rd, 1994, my parents went into the hospital for a scheduled c-section. When the doctor began administering the drugs to my mom, he had one question and one question only: do you like Pink Floyd? My mom, of course, told him of her love for the English rock band and was super happy when doc put in one of their albums. So, the moral of the story here, folks, is that I, Kaycee Lynn Douglas, was brought into this world to the hit song “Comfortably Numb” from Pink Floyd’s album The Wall. This is why I’m awesome.

…

I turned 18. I feel much more wise and sophisticated.

I have some pros and cons involving the change in my age:

Pros:

• I can go to gay bars
• I can go to strip clubs and/or be a stripper
• I can buy lottery tickets
• I can get a tattoo (done)
• I can get married 
• I can buy cigarettes
• I can legally order crap off of infomercials
• I don’t have to renew my license every year
• I can handle heavy machinery

Cons:

• The song “Dancing Queen” no longer applies to me

I’m pretty pleased with how my birthday turned out. We had dinner and cake. I love my family so much. They’re pretty damn awesome. My tattoo experience was great. My sister-in-law and I went to Someplace Else Tattoos at midnight and partied with the guys there. So much fun. I contemplated getting a nude woman on my side, but was talked out of it. In the end I got what I’ve been wanting for a long time. It took a while for me to talk myself into it…but I decided that because it was something that would always mean something, why not? I’m pretty proud of it. 

So…tomorrow I’m going to a baby shower (which I’m super duper excited for), and I, being the procrastinator I am, got the gifts today.  When I first got the registry from that really cool machine at Target, I became a woman on a mission.  I looked at it and thought “OMG I’m so excited! I <3 babiezzz.”  But when I got to the baby section, my tune was instantly changed.  Never in all my life have I been so confused as to what I was looking at.  Since when did it become unacceptable to heat milk up over the stove or in the microwave instead of a $30 centrifuge specifically made for warming bottles? And let me just say that the wide variety of breast pumps just freaked me out.  Are not all boobs the same?  Also, I’m afraid the next generation of children isn’t going to have any chance of survival.  With everything being “hypoallergenic” and completely sanitized, how will they be able to build an immune system? I was honestly just walking in circles trying to figure out what everything did, and quite frankly I’m still completely oblivious.  At one point I had to walk over to home furnishing just to take a breather…and I may or may not have also looked at clothes.  It was this trip to Target that made me terrified to ever have children.

But good luck to the happy couple I’ll be celebrating tomorrow! :D